Did anyone else find today's reading capitivating? After spending some time mulling over it, I was reminded of how much I try to control what parts God is allowed to love and what parts He's not entitled to. I know that sounds silly since He IS my creator and knows it all. But the quote about letting God love me the way God wants... "through illness or health, failure or success, poverty or wealth, rejection or praise"... sometimes I don't see illness, failure, poverty, or rejection as ways He loves me. Sometimes I feel like yes, it's fine and I feel comfortable with Him having the "servant side" of me, and yet horde the "lonely side" of me-embarrassed and even ashamed. Oh....that God has grace for what seems like such a bi-polar mess!
I have recently been called to something new in my life. It wasn't something I sought or asked God for, and it certainly is not something I feel I have any ability or talent in. In that light, I feel like it has been one of the hardest things I've been asked to do. And I have complained, poured out my heart, begged God at times to take it away. But today-and if I have to take it one day at a time I will-today I choose to say
..."I abandon myself into your hands;
do with me what you will.
Whatever you may do, I thank you;
I am ready of all, I accept all....
Into your hands I commend my soul;
I offer it to you with all the love of my heart,
for I love you, Lord,
and so need to give myself,
to surrender myself into your hands,
without reserve
and boundless confidence
For you are my Father." -Charles de Foucauld
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