Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Fighting off Easter

For the past two weeks, I've dreaded the thought of Easter coming. Maybe because I would rather moap in my world of greys, blacks, and browns than the happy pinks, yellows, and pastels that indicate that spring and new hope is here. Darkness has become my friend. It is familiar, predictable, and has become a place I can call home.

I have a love-hate relationship with Lent. I love that it's a season where I can travel to the deep abyss of my soul and have permission to deal with the ugliness of my heart. I can commiserate with those who are experiencing the same pains, sins, and woundings. I despise Lent because in my pea-sized brain I'm petrified that in 5 days I'm suppose to be coming out of this season and happily stuff my face with pink, purple, and yellow marshmallow rabbit-shaped Peeps.

I'm not ready to celebrate Easter and the thoughts of everything being wonderful and cheery because my heart is definitely not painted with crayola-colored pastels. Can I push the snooze button on Easter?

1 comment:

Andrew Taylor said...

I don't think the seasons of our hearts are required to match the church calendar. (And Peeps are kinda gross anyway...) Some years, the best I can do at Easter is remember not to despair; that however far off it looks from here, Resurrection and Redemption come at the end of the story.

There's a grim side to hope, at least in my experience, that I don't find much talk of in Christian circles--a dogged, tenacious clinging to what we know of the truth when there's no comfort or emotional payoff to it. I think that's where hope and courage blend together.

Maybe we tend to treat Lent too much as a cathartic ritual that's supposed to move us through whatever crap that's happening to us, so we can be all tidied up and pastel-colored after a few weeks.

Thanks for your honesty.